A Different Lady Glitter Sparkles Altogether
by Detouredbe
Summary: Or, "PHAT, and Strike a Pose". As Kunal Nayyar states in a behind-the-scenes interview, Guy Diamond does in fact save the day on a number of occasions. In this alternate take on Bridget's attempt to woo King Gristle Jr., we see another instance of this. Aside from that, this is basically my way of "trolling" the movie "Trolls".


**Like many of the fanfics I've done in past years, for other fandoms, this one was a late-night inspiration. Having seen the movie _Trolls_ in full only once, however, and seeing as Guy Diamond has considerably far and few lines of dialogue, researching his speech patterns in order to authenticate my depiction of him here was doggone difficult, and not helped by the fact that it's extremely hard to find any scene clips on Youtube which feature him speaking. In the end, I based my characterization of him on a general sense of voice actor Kunal Nayyar's character Raj Koothrappali, from _The Big Bang Theory_ , since that way I could mentally connect the words to his voice.  
**

 **Anyway, this is a silly sort of what-if motif, concerning the difference to the outcome of _Trolls_ had Guy Diamond taken the lead in aiding Bridget with winning Gristle's heart. While it doesn't require that adorable rainbow "wig" the Snack Pack provided Bridget with, let's just say that as a stagename, "Lady Glitter Sparkles" would most definitely still apply.**

 **Copyright belongs to Dreamworks.**

Bridget stares at her prospective destination, feeling uncannily like she is teetering on the edge of a precipice. A choice metaphor, given the alarming nature of the scenario which awaits if she 'takes the plunge', and the safety – but decided lack of satisfaction – if she bails out.

"You can do it, Bridget!" comes the collective, encouraging hiss of the little crowd of Trolls whom the Bergen girl has just forged an unlikely friendship with. At the lead of them is a sparkly silver nudist who speaks in autotune, and unexpectedly took over the Troll princess Poppy's role as Bridget's mentor in securing King Gristle Jr.'s affections when a jewel of an idea began to glitter in his mind.

"You've got this, Glitter-Girl," Guy Diamond grins, the only Troll perched on her shoulder while the others remain in hiding around the corner. "Just remember not to lower the dishcloth until you're about to sing, ' _Gonna get what I want_!'"

"Hey! Not so loud, okay?" Branch whisper-hisses, ironically barely any quieter than Guy's demonstration.

"Shh! Branch!" Poppy scolds.

"Alright, fine. I just thought _our_ objective was to get this done and get out of here  without attracting the king!"

"We _will_ , alright?"

While Poppy and Branch abruptly end this brief argument, Guy Diamond continues his tentative tutelage of Bridget. "Alright, just a little more glitter here and a little there – now cover your eyes this time, my dear..." Now that he knows Bridget can be trusted around the Trolls, he has no more intention of temporarily blinding her like he did at the start of their acquaintance...

"There you go!"

"Do you really think this will work?" One could hardly blame Bridget for her reluctance, given what she's about to do.

" _Trust me_ , it will. Once the king sees the beauty of your true form – with just a _tiny_ bit of decorative enhancement -" for good measure he gives her one dash more of glitter, "he will be putty in your loving arms!"

"Putty in my loving arms," Bridget ponders out loud. She glances over to where King Gristle now stands, excitedly discussing yet a few more plans for tomorrow's Trollstice party with Chef. He is already unusually pleased after a satisfactory trip to the tailor's for a new bib. If she catches him now, in this favourable mood... "Alright, here I go! Thank you, Guy Diamond!" She lowers him to the floor where the others are, gives them a courteous thank-you as well, and then marches her way out into the open hallway where the object of her desires unknowingly awaits.

Gristle and Chef's correspondence is brought to a speedy halt when Bridget acrobatically leaps into view, holding a dishcloth in front of herself with two hands, while one also carries a small spoon. Working hard to stay curtained by the cloth at all times, she begins a sultry dance while singing into the 'microphone' played by the spoon, " _Yo! I'm coming out, like the sun after rain; ready to shine, no time to -_ "

As the Snack Pack, eager to find out how this works out for their Bergen friend, tempt fate by secretly watching from their hiding place, her non-clandestine audience are staring with their jaws agape. Just like Guy Diamond advised, as Bridget reaches the line, " _Feeling good, gonna get what I want_ -" she whisks the dishcloth away, revealing her naked, glitter-infested body. Truly, the only other adornment she wears is a pair of high heels which Satin and Chenille had the joyful input of recommending...

As Bridget continues to sing and strut her stuff, glitter snowing onto the floor all around her, she playfully whooshes the dishcloth above her head, then tosses it in the direction of the king, upon whose crowned head the glittery piece of material lands. Although he reaches a hand up to pull it down, his gaze is securely locked in one direction only.

Bridget finishes her dancing and singing, emulating the lyrics with her actions, " _While I'm shaking my hips and saying..._ " She saunters up beside the king, pouring her heart out into that spoon with the last line, _"IIIIIIIII'm coming out!_ " She then, bolstered by the heat of the moment, slings an arm around Gristle's shoulders and murmurs, "Your Highness!", embellished with a wink.

It's all the Snack Pack can do not to give themselves away by hurrahing for Bridget, but (at least partly forced on by Branch), they rapidly high-tail it out of there, the only remaining part of Princess Poppy's agenda being to rescue Creek.

Meanwhile, in the aftermath of Bridget's impromptu entertainment, Gristle is only good for staring in wonder at the bold impression his hitherto ignored scullery maid has suddenly made upon him. He is barely even aware that a certain lower-down part of his body is currently writing a raving review...

"Hot lunch..." he whispers, gazing into her deep, reddish-pink eyes. "What a total _babe_!"

The disgusted Chef, meanwhile, merely promises herself that when she pulls the rug that is Bergentown from under King Gristle's feet, she'll make sure the punishment for such a barbarically disgraceful performance substantiates preventing any encores.

 **The End.**

 **AN: _Postscript: But in the end, Chef never got a chance, because Gristle, after rapidly promoting Bridget to the level of Queen, realized that true happiness came from the wonders of a nudist paradise. He promptly issued the proclamation that clothing was outlawed in Bergentown - with the_ maybe _exception of the all-important bib. It didn't take long for his surprised subjects to catch on to what he was about, and Bergentown quickly became one of the happiest places in the whole wide world. Chef, unable to comprehend the sudden lack of need for her role as "Minister of Happiness", and knowing her own naked form could never live up to par, went stark raving mad and ran back into the depths of the forest, where it is said that she lived out her days drawing images of bizarrely overdressed Bergen figures devouring Trolls, on any surface she could find. The Trolls, no longer in danger of being eaten, were able to return home to the Troll Tree, and King Peppy and his daughter Princess Poppy agreed that their lineage could not compare to the legacy that Guy Diamond's now was. Therefore, Guy Diamond became the new Troll King, and everyone, Troll and Bergen-alike, lived happily and nakedly ever after.  
_**

 **Phew! That is, without a doubt, the most Trollish thing I've ever done, in the fanfiction sense of the term. Or maybe, for this fandom, what's generally known as a Troll-fic would have to be called a "Bergen-fic...** **"** **Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed, and I hope none were too offended - especially not by the above postscript.  
**


End file.
